In the spirit of the Iceye's dating ad and my current occupation;
Installation and Maintenance guide for the Kristin-88
1 Technical data
Sex - Female
Age - 21
Length (cm) - 173
Weight (kg) - 78
Hair color - Dark brown
Eye colour - Light blue with strands of yellow
Language support - Swedish and English (upgradable)
Function packages - Everyday, Survival, Social (to some extent) and Civil Engineering
Application - Intended for use with the Male 1980-1990 series (exceptions exist, contact support for more info)
2 Installation
2.1 Recommended dating sequence
1. Check compatibility. See chapter 2.2
2. Initiate contact. See chapter 2.3
3. Evaluate network optimisation. See chapter 2.4
4. Install docking station. See chapter 2.5
2.2 Compatibility
The Kristin-880406 is very versatile, with programmes for athletics, academics, science, applied science, music, video games and role playing among others. She has a somewhat underdeveloped social interface, but not so much that it impairs everyday activities. The operating system is Linux based and supports many add-ons. The core process is based on ambition and strives for constant development. It should be noted however, that the cultural context in which the programming was done has influenced the programme-code. Due to years of tweaking this code cannot easily be modified.
2.3 Initiating contact
There is no definite way to initiate contact. It is recommended, however, that the context is casual and the method direct. Due to the aforementioned underdeveloped social interface some of the more subtle passes and innuendo might not be registered.
Caution: This lack of registration might come off as a lack of interest or disapproval.
In order to fully establish an interface it is important that you activate your account, preferably as soon as possible.
2.4 Network optimisation
The Kristin-880406 is designed for a medium sized network with a mostly permanent client list. She is fully capable of interacting with guests and new clients, but will do so on a limited access basis. Not until the compatibility evaluation is completed will full access be granted. There are no administrator privileges. The Kristin-88 is fully installed on several networks, the most prominent being the Family and Friends WLAN's. The Family-network operate stictly on static IP numbers that might be difficult to obtain. The Friends-network utilises both static and dynamic IP addresses. In order to obtain a static IP the client has to be fully compatible with the other static clients. DHCP access is granted to anyone with an established connection with one of the static clients.
2.5 Docking station
Once the previous steps of the dating sequence have been completed it might be convenient to install a docking station for the Kristin-88, so that she has her own designated space.
3 Maintenance
The Kristin-88 is still in Beta and there is currently no information on maintenance and routine testing. We recommend that you use Common sense in order to determine what she might need.
4 comments:
Haha, I can't help thinking this is pretty hilarious. Very witty. Before I read 2.5 I thought the "docking station" to be something slightly less PG-13, if you know what I mean... Did you come up with this yourself?
I have a less stimulating job, to say the least.
I was working on updating a few Installation manusals when I read Ice's ad and this was the first thing that popped into my head. And as for the docking station; any document that will be distributed on a global market must be formulated in such a way that it does not offend any potential customers :P
Hihi this is one of the cutest things I have ever seen! ^_^ Hope it works out.
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